The Thoughts of Weakness
by Laladria Moonsword
Summary: My first fic, so please be nice to me. kinda OOC and a tiny bit of SI, but thats in the original char. you will understand once you read every bit of my fic ENJOY! Complete. But might add to it later, depends on the reviews i get. mature only. Graphicish.


Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything to do with Bleach…I just like to read the Bleach manga and watch the anime XD

This is my first fan fiction, so please let me know what you think and also if you think it needs improvement…then please let me know, but if you are just negative in your comments without a valid reason and an explanation of why it is bad then I will just ignore it.

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**The Thoughts of Weakness**

Why did he choose to use her like that? Why? Why did he choose to use her own adoration for him against her?

When he died she was devastated, she felt that she could not go on. She sat in her quarters and cried till she could cry no more. She cried until the last tear couldn't get out of her eyes. She cried till her face was red and blotchy. She cried till her eyes were raw.

When she found out his death was a cunning deception she was angry; angry at herself for being unable to see through the illusion. She was enraged at herself for believing the letter that he wrote to her explaining the situations around his death. She was furious at herself for allowing herself to be baited against those whom she held dear.

Why did he abandon her and not take her with him to Hueco Mundo? But even more so, why did he even bother to take the two captains that she despised most? What benefit were they to him?

Thinking back to when she first met him, it was adoration, worship. Why had she been so naive that he had been counting on this to begin the deception, to make it so much easier?

Rage and anger built up inside of her, she wanted to hit something. NO! She wanted to destroy something…but what? Sitting down in the middle of her quarters she started to rock, backwards and forwards, while the tears flowed over her face, down her neck, and into her chest. This was hopeless why was she grieving for someone who had only showed her affection to get more adoration?

Whenever something went wrong in her life Toshiro Hitsugaya the captain of the 10th Division, a close friend almost a brother, would always be there for her. She admired that, but what she didn't find admirable was how she had attempted to vent her frustration and revenge for her captain Soske Aizen's "death". **She was weak**. She could never forgive herself for that.

Weakness is not honorable. She had felt as though she had lost her honor and she knew there was only one way she could get it back; but she was scared. **Weak**.

Sitting in the middle of her quarters, she stopped rocking. She knew what she had to do. Looking over to where her zanpakuto lay she thought about what she was going to do. She couldn't bear herself to even think about honor. But she picked it up anyway; and sat back down in the middle of the room.

What was she going to do with it? Thrust it through her heart…or just under the ribcage as was tradition? NO! She couldn't bear to think about it. She didn't know why but she unsheathed it anyway. **What should she do?**

Where she was sitting she began to sob, the tears streaming down her face and her breath increased in a semi-hyperventilating fashion. She began to shake. **Why did she have to be weak about this? **She tried to stop shaking and hyperventilating, but she couldn't. She felt too open just sitting there in the middle of her quarters shaking. She needed to stop. But how?

She didn't notice it but her zanpakuto was slowly being dropped by her left arm onto her right while she was sitting cross-legged on the floor. Being meticulous to the condition that her zanpakuto was in, she didn't realize how sharp it was. As it feathered her right arm it sliced the skin without her feeling the cutting sensation. She stopped rocking and looked down at her arm curious as to why her sleeve was moist. She realized at once what had happened.

"Arigato Tobiume" Momo Hinamori said to her zanpakuto, "You have showed me how to escape."

…

Okay…I will now explain why I wrote this. I wrote this to help me alleviate the pain of the situations that are going on in my life at the moment…as well as to find another avenue so that I don't scratch or cut myself.


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